This is hard for me to write...

I know I've already told you guys and I'm going to start sounding like a broken record but I need to get something off my chest. 

I have had a fully official, 'let's get you some help', diagnosis of post-partum depression. I've been diagnosed before but it's always been with a view to getting me on medication for it. But I don't see tablets as a solution. 

A long time ago I worked in the medical laboratories in the local hospital. My job was to keep the lab clean and tidy, to sort out and file the various slides that the pathologists used with the microscopes and to help discard of the various, how do I put this delicately, organs. There were 2 other women there doing the same job as me. Only they were twice my age. Literally. Anywho, I have absolutely no idea why but they seemed to take an instant dislike to me. And they bullied me. So much so that I was diagnosed with stress and depression and was given a course of diazepam to help me through along with some counselling. I did everything I was told to. I took the tablets and I went to see the counsellor. But as time went on, instead of feeling better, I felt worse. I didn't feel like myself at all. It felt like I was having an outer body experience all of the time, but I had no control over my body or what I did or said. So I weaned myself off the diazepam, I quit my counselling and I quit my job. I started to feel more like myself again and I got a new job. 

Fast forward 7 years and here we are today. I'm once again battling depression and on top of that, this time I'm battling anxiety too. 

I've had my telephone consultations and taken the PHQ-9 and the GAD-7 twice in the space of 2 weeks and I've been put on the waiting list for therapy. I think they want to try Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) to try and change the way I think and the way I perceive things. The important thing for me at the moment is that I don't take any medication for this. I don't want to have to rely on drugs to 'fix' me. That's not to say that I disagree with everyone taking medicine to help with their depression or anxiety. It works for some people. I'm just saying that it simply doesn't work for me. 

So now, now I wait. I wait to hear back with my first appointment. She didn't say how long the waiting list was, just that it was quite long. 

In the meantime I have some booklets on PPD and anxiety to read through. There supposed to be some ways in there that can help me in the short term. Apparently keeping a diary helps. I wonder if blogging counts?

The Color Run UK 2016 - Birmingham

Saturday 20th August I took part in my 3rd Color Run in Birmingham. And as always I loved every minute and came away knowing that it truly is the happiest 5km on the planet.

No I didn't run the whole thing. I haven't run since I fell pregnant with my little boy, and he is now 16 months old. I am planning on doing another in 2017 and doing a lot more preparation for it.

In case you missed the pictures I posted on my Instagram Story, here are some from the event that me and my sister managed to get between us.











By the end of the race, we looked like a rainbow but as the wind was quite strong that day it soon blew off us. If you've not done the Color Run before I urge you to! It's so much fun! 

Lending a Hand

I've been a busy little bee the last few days. In fact it's been a lot longer than that. My significant other asked me some time ago to help him set up a blog of his own. I agreed. Actually I got very excited and have been bugging him every day since he asked to come up with a name and a niche. Well, he finally did and his blog is all set up! It's just the matter of design that we need to sort now. 

It would be really nice if he enjoyed blogging as he has so many thoughts floating around in that pretty little head of his and he needs somewhere to jot these thoughts down. They're anything from life ramblings to gaming thoughts to daddy problems. 

So if you get chance go pay him a visit over the coming weeks as he gets himself set up (he's at www.brokenthoughts.co.uk) even if it's just to say "hi" :-)


Olympic Procrastination

Today the realisation of just how bad I am at blogging hit me. I mean in the sense that I simply forget to blog at all. I'm not sure how my writing is, I tend to just write what's going through my head at any given moment. But as for actually sitting down to write? I'm awful. I mean well but always find I end up doing something else.

Take this week for example. I've sat down with my laptop at least 3 times to write a blog post or two, and instead I've ended up getting wrapped up in the Olympics. Every. Single. Time.

Have you guys been watching the Olympics? It's been pretty good so far hasn't it? Team GB are doing so so well and it really makes me proud to be British. I watched last night as Laura Trott and the rest of the women's team pursuit in the cycling won gold and then as Rebecca James grabbed silver in the women's keirin. Tonight I'm watching the cycling again and Team GB have a gold and a silver in the men's sprint! Andy Murrany is also playing to retain his Olympic champion status in the tennis against Argentine Juan Martin del Potro.

I always get so excited when the Olympics are on, I just love how it brings people together.